Monday Madness

Agatha was once very young, silly and sometimes a little cruel. Fitzy was overeager and not picking up on Agatha's signals. He was one of those guys that thought there was a direct correlation between bratty disinterest and attraction. A prime example of one of their interactions goes as follows:

Fitzy (after a long night of failed romantic attempts) "Do you want to go for a drive"

long pause, then Agatha responds "I guess, but only if you don't talk"

My point with this Monday Madness is that we all say really stupid things. This Agatha is really a great girl but to that Fritz she was not her best self. If you date long enough it is inevitable that you will probably be someones:
"most embarrassing"
"most attractive"
"most fun"
"needy"
"most emotional"
"most aggressive"
and/or
"crazy" ...

ex-girlfriend. Whether we realize it, or not, our exes have a lot of labels for us and I am sure not all of them are flattering. If you can be honest and admit mistakes it is kinda funny to think of all the ridiculous things we've done or said.

Monday Madness

We are going to start something new for our Mondays, it's Monday Madness. Dating is a funny little thing. People say the silliest things to you when your single, or when you are on dates, or during break-ups, and let's be honest we say some pretty ridiculous things ourselves. It is so fun to come home and have a good laugh with your friends and family about whatever embarrassing tidbit fell out of your mouth during a date. So, with that in mind, let's share. Every Monday I will post one funny dating experience or quote either from my own life, from my friends, from my family, or from you. So feel free to email me your great stories.

There are only a few rules:

1. It has to be something that actually happened to you. No urban legends, none of these my friend's, sister's, little brother once... So to absolutely rule that out only stories that directly happened to you. In turn I will only tell you things that either happened to me or that happened to the person that told me the story.
2. All stories must actually be lighthearted and not something you are really angry or bitter about, but pretending to have a sense of humor because that's a more charming emotion than the others I mentioned. We are looking for genuinely funny or stupid things you have accidentally said or had said to you. Not something mean-spirited.
3. Sorry, it's my blog so I pick. I pick the order of stories and I pick which ones I repeat. Some stories, while great, are too hard to tell in writing or are not succinct enough for our purposes. So please don't get your feelings hurt.
4. I will tell all stories from the third person. All women will be called Agatha (because I love that name. But, I am never in a million years going to find a man that will want to name a daughter Agatha). All the men will be called Fitzwilliam (because I am in a literary mood and he is a great example of sometimes saying the wrong, yet hilarious, thing).


1. Monday Madness: The Final Countdown


It was high school and Agatha and Fitzwilliam were out on a date. While the couple they were doubling with was outside the car scraping the ice off the car Agatha and Fitzwilliam were sitting nervously in the backseat. Agatha was starting to feel a little cocky, she could see the moment of a first kiss approaching and she was clearly more confident than her counterpart. Her confidence grew as he grew more uncomfortable. He was so nervous it was charming. All of the sudden Fitzwilliam says out loud "three, two, one" and then leaps across the car to kiss Agatha. Agatha is not sure what she was more surprised by; attack kiss or the countdown, but either way it was a kiss she would never forget.

If You've Ever Used The Bathroom at Little America Hotel, You Know What I Mean

Last night I was sitting with some old roommates giggling, catching-up, and reminiscing. We talked about an old friend who, when just a freshman in college, had once said “ My biggest fear is that I fall in love with someone for their personality and when I send out wedding announcements no one will think that he is attractive enough”. We laughed and laughed over this silly comment. We had thought it was funny at the time, but years later it is even better. As I laughed with two of my old friends (both married for years) there was a part of that old quote that didn’t sit well. Of course it is ridiculous and hilarious to think about being that vain and preoccupied with others. However, there is a part of what she is said that I can relate to, and the older I get (while remaining single) I only relate more.

Don’t you sometimes want things to appear exactly how they are? When you know in your heart you are doing well and you are happy, you want to look it. When you have adorable, wonderful children you can sometimes obsess over dirty faces and messy hair. Thinking, “come on kids, please look as delightful as you are. People cannot possibly know how proud I am of you when you look like a ragamuffin.” Or you notice a zit/cold sore before a big day and think to yourself “never mind, I guess I am not leaving the house today. This isn’t the me that I want people to have experiences with.”  Or you want a nice car because you are doing well in your job and you work hard. You think it would be so nice if everyone else could tell, just by looking at you, how hard you really do work. I could give endless examples and it doesn’t matter how fantastically confident you are, you will have a moment or two like these in your life; you will have times when you feel sad that the cover of you book doesn’t represent the beauty of the story found within. Thinking to yourself “please everyone trust me, we (or I) have a really great story. It is full of ups and downs, twist and turns, and a few cliff hangers. Sure sometimes it can start to drag a bit, but it only drags in a good way like an old Victorian novel. You will laugh, cry, and be discouraged, be heartbroken, be happy. But overall it truly is a feel good story worth knowing. Just trust me, I love it.”

So, is everyone with me so far? We can all agree to sometimes feeling discouraged that our life doesn’t always come with the matching cover for everyone to see.  Now, let me tell you my awful secret. The longer I am single the more I feel the pressure to make sure my cover matches my relationship. In reality I don’t care one fig if anyone else finds my future spouse attractive, interesting, successful, or impressive. In my heart of hearts, I KNOW that all that matters is how I feel. However, I sometimes cringe at the idea of someone seeing us, meeting us, or hearing of us and thinking any one or any combination of the following:

                               “Oh good. Glad she found someone that would take her.”

                 “Man she seems to have settled”

              “Oh it looks like he settled a bit"

 “Well, she finally found someone, I mean I would never marry him (or him).  But I am so glad they found each other.”

                      “She (or he) must have said yes to the first person that would take her (or him)”

I can think of all kinds of patronizing and unkind things that people could say. I know people can make very unkind and uneducated judgments about someone else and their relationship. I know it because I have heard it, seen it, and even occasionally said it. Part of me dreads the day when I will face the final judgment or commentary on my single worth. I recoil to think that people will taint my love with thoughts that I was single because I did something wrong, that somehow I have caused this. Or that I am single because I am far from loveable. However, I this fear is ridiculous for the following reasons:

1.       It is a waste of time to worry about potential, future hurt feelings.

2.       I really don’t care how much anyone else likes me or likes my future husband as long as we like each other.

3.       People that know and love me, they KNOW and LOVE me.

4.     Most people are kind at heart and want good things for other people. Most people don't want to unkindly judge. 

As we were leaving the restaurant I slipped into the bathroom. If I know that I am going to be at Little America I do everything in my power to make sure that I will need to use the bathroom. You might be wondering why, or you might just be wondering why I am talking about it, but it is the BEST bathroom ever. It has luxurious, warm light and mirrors everywhere. The first room is carpeted and has vanity tables lining the wall with a lamps on each. If you walk a little further you come to marble floors and the walls are wallpapered with a beautiful, feminine, pink textured paper or they are partially marble. In addition it is one of those wonderful bathrooms where you don’t have to touch very many things. The toilets automaticly flush, the sinks have sensors… you know the drill. It always adds to the luxury to not have to touch anything in a public bathroom even though in this little slice of heaven it would be my pleasure.  Even the soap is very aptly named Elegante! (see below I am not making this up. The soap does have an exclamation point on it.)

Now you are probably wondering less about the exclamation point and more about my point. It is this: Very few people care about that bathroom other than me. I am sure the hotel does not consider their bathrooms to be their showcase piece. They probably prefer their beautiful lobby, their restaurants, or their ideal downtown location, but for me it’s all about the bathrooms. Other people have been to the hotel and probably not used the lobby bathrooms or maybe they have but weren’t quite as taken with them as I. Some people probably just think of them as functional (which they are) and maybe think they are a bit nicer than others, but nothing to write home about. But for me, the bathroom at Little America is the one. In the end the thing that separates the one from every other one is not how he/she looks or how many other people find value in him/her, it’s all about how you feel. It doesn’t matter if someone else would or does find your relationship mundane. True love feels right, feels fancy, and feels special to you.  I know that because I have been to the Little America Bathroom and when I am there I 
feel elegante! 


-Not Desperate in SLC
Applicable song:
Lets Hear It for the Boy- Deniece Williams