I have never been the type of girl that can compel random guys to ask me out on dates in an effort to get to know me better. That is just not me. I am the kind of girl that guys become friends with and then somehow (almost accidentally) end up dating. This is not necessarily a bad thing. I abhor first dates. If I never had to go on another first date I think that I could carry on very happily. This is also not a pity party thing. I don't think it's about being less desirable; it's just about having (or not having, as the case may be) a certain je ne sais quoi.
I for sure have plenty je ne sais quoi but it is just not the kind that encourages dates. This has never really bugged me before and bugged wouldn't be the right word for how I feel about it now; intrigued, I guess. I used to think that falling in love should be totally organic and natural and not be the product of something deliberate. I think that it is absurd to use "games" (i.e. manipulation and deceit) as a means to know someone. However, maybe deliberate efforts to be your best self might be a different thing. It takes a heavy dose of vulnerability to repeatedly put yourself out there when it hasn't worked out in the past. Maybe that level of vulnerability is unnatural for everyone.
I for sure have plenty je ne sais quoi but it is just not the kind that encourages dates. This has never really bugged me before and bugged wouldn't be the right word for how I feel about it now; intrigued, I guess. I used to think that falling in love should be totally organic and natural and not be the product of something deliberate. I think that it is absurd to use "games" (i.e. manipulation and deceit) as a means to know someone. However, maybe deliberate efforts to be your best self might be a different thing. It takes a heavy dose of vulnerability to repeatedly put yourself out there when it hasn't worked out in the past. Maybe that level of vulnerability is unnatural for everyone.
I tell myself flirting should just happen, that it should be whatever comes naturally. But, it isn't natural for me to hold eye contact or smile at someone I don't know. It isn't natural for me to flirt, but that doesn't make it unnatural. It doesn't mean that when I flirt it's phony. Flirting is deliberate, it has to be. The kind of flirting that comes without a thought isn't productive. Girls shouldn't flirt just to be a flirt. Flirting should have a purpose. Deliberate flirting never comes naturally, by definition it takes thought and effort. But you know what they say about how great things don't come easily.
Dating can be uncomfortable sometimes, it can be embarrassing, and it can be awkward. It is not as glamorous as movies make it out to be. In fact, dating is probably the least romantic thing a person can do. First date after first date, or even more awkward blind date after blind date. Will he call me? Do I want him to call me? Should I call him? Does he have what I am looking for? Do I know what I am looking for? The whole process can be gut-wrenchingly tedious and disappointing.
Dating can be uncomfortable sometimes, it can be embarrassing, and it can be awkward. It is not as glamorous as movies make it out to be. In fact, dating is probably the least romantic thing a person can do. First date after first date, or even more awkward blind date after blind date. Will he call me? Do I want him to call me? Should I call him? Does he have what I am looking for? Do I know what I am looking for? The whole process can be gut-wrenchingly tedious and disappointing.
But just take a moment and think about:
The butterflies when someone holds eye contact back.
When someone smiles at you.
A really great first date.
All the hope that comes with potential.
When someone wants to see you again and again.
That first touch.
Once you start to get each others inside jokes, family references, and movie quotes.
The list could go on and on. All the fun stuff about dating.
Isn't all awkwardness and the potential negative worth the potential for positive? Isn't even a short lived relationship worth the risk, worth stepping out of the comfortable into the uneasy. Worth moving away from the norm into the uncomfortable, abnormal, sometimes tedious and terrifying world of flirting? Meeting people and dating does not always come naturally and it is not all giggles, stolen glances, and jaunts in the park. But, taking that step out of my comfort zone is always worth it because the sad and frustrating moments are fleeting. Plus, without the uncomfortable, uneasy, and unnatural efforts to meet people I would never get to my favorite part of dating. That moment when things get so comfortable, so easy, and so natural. That moment that reminds me how fantastic an authentic interaction can be. The memory of those moments won't let me stoop to playing games but demands that I stay willing to be vulnerable, get nervous, and work on my flirting.
-Not Desperate in SLC
