"So if I met someone tomorrow and we dated for X months and then we were engage for X months then I could have a fall wedding, oh I love a good fall wedding, and then we could be married exactly X months/years before we had our first kid and then we could space the next 3 to 6 kids out by 2 years and I would be... wait how old would I be at then end of that whole process? But I wanted to be done having kids by 35. How can I make that happen?" Ok. Let's rework this imaginary life with a man I am not yet dating like I have control over all of these things that I have no control over.
Have any of you done that? I am willing to admit it; I have, more than once. If you haven't then that's super, but I am a detail oriented girl I always plan in details. Before I moved into an apartment I once drew the floor plan (as close to scale as i could) and then took my pencil and "moved in". I drew furniture. Arranged and rearrange my new apartment when I actually got there the move in was seamless. I set everything up the way I had planed, went and bought the things I planned to buy. My new apartment looked just the I way imagined it, I felt peace, power, and the ultimate control. I had created the exact existence I had wanted, everything went as planned.
However, that was only an apartment and deciding where to put a couch is a lot different from deciding when to fall in love. I can't draw a man on a piece of paper and rearrange his qualities and features until I am satisfied. Then pay a deposit and move into a new relationship at the first of the month. So maybe sometimes we don't get to feel power, probably we never have the ultimate power, but we absolutely can find peace.
Peace can be ours if we want it and seek it. I am not going to get more into my testimony of the peace that comes through a relationship with Christ and an understanding of His atonement and His teachings. But know that I do have a testimony. That it is a knowledge born through experience, through seeking an understanding, and through faith when both my experience and knowledge are insufficient. I know that peace comes through Him because I have found it and felt it repeatedly. I cannot speak lightly of this because I do not feel lightly about it, peace is so important.
But let me say that although my life does not always play out according to the detailed drawing I have created in my mind, my life does always work for my good. I look back on years that I have remained in my single state and I am so grateful for it. I have learned so much about myself, I have had experiences that I wouldn't have had otherwise, and i have gotten to form stronger relationships with family and friends. Most importantly though, I have learned much about peace and how to give up the desire for control and power and replace it for the desire to do my Father in Heaven's will.
- Not Desperate in SLC
applicable links:
The ultimate peace can only be found in Jesus Christ. If you want to know more about this topic, as taught by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, do any or all of the following things:
go here
or read this
or pray for your own testimony of peace and your own understanding of how to find it.
5 comments:
This is a very timely message for me right now. I want control over my future and all the details and I don't really have any, but your words give me peace and a clearer understanding of the joy that can be gained from enjoying the here and now. We do have choices, but we don't always have the control we want and that is ok. Thanks for your refreshing bright side and honesty. I am all about the details- a little planning never hurt because I figure it gives you something great to shoot for- the trick is flexibility when your exact plan inevitably takes a different (and usually better) course. Right on. Love this blog.
Oh I love this analogy. Been there, done that!
This is my favorite post you have ever done.
Love your blog! Even after being married sometimes I wish I was still single. It may be lonely but it is easier! Marriage can be lonely too!
Audra, welcome and thank you for commenting. I absolutely agree with you. One of the reasons I wanted to start this blog was to show how similar we all are. Too often single women think that married women are a different species, and visa versa. I think that while we might have different experiences a lot of our ultimate struggles and feelings are the same. So thank you for your comment I love to hear that other people can relate to my experiences.
Post a Comment