Today I had an off day. Isn’t it funny, nope that is not the right word, predictable that the adversary piles extra pain on the minute you feel a bit unsteady. How quickly an off moment brings back years of off moments or a hick-up in a day feels like a face plant. How when you stack all the mistakes, misfortunes, mishaps, and miscommunications from past relationships on top of one another it can be hard not to have a distorted view of reality. Am I the only one that starts to feel a restrictive amount of negative the moment one unfortunate thing happens? I lovingly refer to this mood as a funk. The problem with a funk is that, aside from it being funky, this pile of my past can get so high that I start to feel claustrophobic. I don’t have an inordinate amount of past but when you have been dating for more than ten years you will inevitably be left with a pile of unsuccessful moments. I am ok with the fact that these moments exists, I experienced them and worked through them at the time. But, I start to feel overwhelmed when it is all piled in front of my face.
Why? Why is it in a pile? Why do I let things from the past (things that I have already understood, overcome, and moved beyond) come back to haunt me? So what if boyfriend x said something that hurt my feelings? So what if once I lost me in someone’s shadow? So what if I have had relationships that ended messy, or ended quickly, or ended yucky? So what if there are moments that I would rather not relive?
I have made the repairs to heart, soul, self, and spirit that needed to be made and moved forward. So why on a random, meaningless day in July do I find myself buried under memories that I have already gotten over? I will tell you why. To quote The Killers “God gives us hope, but we still fear what we don’t know. The mind is poison.” I will tell you what I don’t know. I don’t know what it feels like to be in a completely successful dating relationship. I don’t know what it feels like to have a romantic relationship that doesn’t end in take backs, misunderstanding, awkward encounters, embarrassment, and frustration. That is just the nature of the break-up beast. Dating is highly emotional (meaning feelings are involved) so when it ends that is also emotional (again feelings are involved).
So how can we get out from under a funk? One fool proof technique is to start remembering all the good from the past. Even the worst situations have positives. I am not talking about good moments in a relationship, although there are plenty; I am talking about the good that is learned. I have learned things that have gotten me over heartaches, headaches, and identity crises. I have learned about friendship, fun, and sadness. I have learned countless things, but most of all I have learned that each dating experience is better than the last. So there is no point dragging out the dirt from former failures. I am not stuck under my past but rather standing on top of it; lifted up by a pile of experiences both positive and negative. Each experience adds a bit more height and, when I don’t allow myself to be pushed down into an unnecessary funk, I actually have a pretty remarkable view.
-Not Desperate in SLC
Applicable songs:
The Killers- A Dustland Fairytale
John Mayer- The Heart of Life
5 comments:
I am not ashamed to admit that even after I got married, for at least two years minimum after the blessed event, I would still have mornings where I woke up under a heap of shame and regret over past failures. I would feel bad that I still let those moments with other men defeat me after I got the ending that I had been striving for. It has honestly just gone away completely in the last two years.... making that way too long that I let the awkwardness of what didn't go right define me. I wish I would have had your perspective then, because it was a waste of time. Everyone has those moments and you can be bitter or better. I'm sorry I always leave these way too long comments, but your blog is great. Just like you. Onward!
I decided I'd wait on the commenting until after it was posted...I love that last bit about that pile of old muck allowing for a great view, cool imagery if you ask me.
Hope you're outta your funk today!
Thank you both. Steph, I love long comments and a different perspective. It is so nice to know that none of us are very unique in our experiences, allows for more bonding. Carlee, I do ask you. so thanks.
i get into a funk the same way--but it isn't specific to any one type of failure. one thing goes wrong, and then all of a sudden i'm bad at everything i've ever wanted to do. it's not good. when you figure out how to avoid that, let me know, k?
That last paragraph was beautiful. I wish my time would come in writing like yours has.
Post a Comment