Black Leather Pants and The Limitations of Imitations

I am aching for something kinda wild. I have a bit of a wild side, always have, and I find it is most appropriately expressed in clothing. As a result I long for a pair of really great black leather pants. When I was in High School I had some pleather pants that didn't get worn much. They were cheap, and gross feeling, and they made an awful noise when I moved. They were fake and they did not satisfy my urge. So, like an unrequited love the desire continues to burn in the back of my mind.  

Recently it occurred to me that tight, black leather pants might have an expiration date. I would imagine after multiple kids, maybe even after one kid, I won't want to squeeze and stuff myself into tight black pants. I know some women are remarkable and have bodies that bounce right back. But, my pre-babies body is already pretty pear shaped so... I am not counting on it. Plus, one should have a style that ages and matures and black leather pants don't feel super grown-up to me. All of this is to say that I am feeling desperate to get something wild right now. Sure I have plenty of quirky things in my wardrobe that I wear with pride, but I want something else, something new, something more. However, I cannot justify spending lots of money on leather pants (I have a strict policy that I do not spend large amounts of money on whims and/or fads) and lots money is what they cost. So leather pants are out, after all, I have already learned that an imitation just does not satisfy. 

I saw these beauties online. They could work, in fact I totally dig them. So, I have been watching them wishing they would go on sale. Wouldn't they be wonderful with a white v-neck shirt? I would be so happy to have this for a date night. But... still, the price. Not going to do it, especially when I can't even try them on first. Not everything looks great on every body. 

Then that waxed jean look started popping up all over the place. I was simultaneously thrilled and frustrated. I am one of those dopes that still sometimes wants to be the only one with a certain item of clothing. I know, I need to work more on that aging and maturing thing. So, I tried these on, they are cheap and have a similar look-ish. 

I am showing you the backside because that is where I encountered an issue. See that big hem across the rear end, it is right there, right above the pockets. See that? Now see it on a body, my body to be exact. I apologize for the poor quality of the image but I don't actually want a better, clearer picture of this.

You will note two things: 1. evidence of me being very pear shaped. After the above shopping adventure I showed this imagine to him explaining the disappointed I have faced and he said (in response to me calling myself pear shaped) "A lot of that is just the bad angle of the camera." While that is very kind of him, let me say, not all of that is the camera angle. 2. The other factor in making my rear end (which can sometimes, often even, depending on the judge, look cute in pants) look like that, is that line. You can see it better in this picture because it is cutting my bottom in a very unflattering way; creating what can only be described as a double bottom. I stood in them for a while, thinking, wishing. I stood alone in that dressing room debating if wearing long shirts would make this a worthwhile purchase. The price was oh so right. But the fit, oh the fit. I would like to know who has a bottom that is flattered by a line like that? Awful. Just awful. Yes, I do realize that most pants have a hem across the bottom but one that low? You can almost fit my entire phone (see my left hand) in between the top of the pants and that hem. How could that be flattering? 

Maybe my bottoms just isn't made for wild pants. Ugh, well I guess I am still in search of something a little wild to add to my wardrobe. 

In the next post I try on a slightly wild skirt...