Monday Madness: Look in the Mirror and Tell Me What You See

Spoiler alert the couple featured in this Monday Madness did, in fact, end up happily married.

Agatha and Fitz had never met. A friend of theirs was trying to set them up but since Agatha and Fitz lived a few hours apart their first few interactions were over the phone. At the end of their second sucessful call Fitz decides it's time to take things to the next level. He very innocently asks:

Fitz: So, um, Agatha, what exactly do you look like
Agatha (feeling a little self conscious and timid) says: uh, I don't know.
Fitz (a little bit frustrated. Thinking 'why must women complicate everything) replies :Look in the mirror and tell me what you see.
Agatha: um, I  have brown hair, blue eyes...
Fitz is getting increasingly frustrated at their inability to communicate what he is really interested in knowing so finally he blurts out: "how much do you weigh?"

Silence....

Applicable songs:
Mika- Big Girl You Are Beautiful

Monday Madness: Sing For Me Kristine

Let me set the scene:
Agatha is sitting in the car finishing up a first (blind) date with Fitzy. Fitzy seems nice enough but Agatha is not feeling the romantic vibes on this date. She is thinking what now, how long do we have to keep going here? We gave it a shot it is just not there. Fitzy is thinking... who knows what he is thinking probably not much. All of the sudden Fitzy speaks up in one last Hail Mary.

Fitzy: (scrolling through his iPod) "Do you like musicals?"

Agatha: Uh, sure

Fitzy: (consumed with nervous energy, sets down the Ipod)...

One would expect at this point that he would have chosen a song from the options on his iPod, right? You are assuming he is going to play a song from a musical. That is what Agatha thought also. However, instead Fitzy takes a deep breath and launches into his most spectacular performance ever. Made even more tense and emotional by the fact that he is simultaneously driving. Agatha cannot recall what song Fitzy performed that evening but I like to imagine it as "Point of No Return" from Phantom of the Opera. I imagine it as having that same intense, slightly odd, surge of unwanted emotion. Ok in Phantom Christine kind of wants it, but I grantee that Agatha didn't. Agatha and Fitzy hit an entirely different point of no return in that moment.

When Life Gives You Blues and Meantimes

A few hours into my work day, I am feeling a bit blue; no real reason just feeling blue. I stayed up too late last that probably has something to do with it. Then, because of the late night I slept in and didn’t read my scriptures and was late to work… I am sure that is the source of my feelings but I still can’t shake it. I walked back to my desk and lying on a corner was a dying fly. Things to note about this are: 1. I have no idea where this fly came from (how often do you see a fly dead or dying when you were not a participant in the destruction or the fly was not stuck next to a window?) 2. The fly was not dead, but dying.  Watching this tiny little body fight for its last bit of life really affected me. I sat confused and surprised at my desk and then I felt tears start to fill my eyes. I pulled myself together to go asked two men I work with what I should do. Both men felt my solution was obvious… put the fly in the trash. I took a deep breath and quickly, with tears coming yet again, moved my uninvited guest into the garbage can.

Isn’t it funny how much more desperate a situation seems when other things in life are not inline? When you are tired, not prioritizing life correctly, or when you are too focused on yourself those blues can seep quickly in. Whenever I start to feel hopeless, teary, and desperate I can always count on any combination of the following to resolve my feelings:  a nap (or even better getting to bed early), prayers, reading scriptures, reading a good book, turning off the TV, the computer, and the phone and enjoying some peace, being alone, being still, the temple, a bath, journal, time with my family, a favorite movie, a favorite joke with a friend…


When I have tried all of the options above and I still feel sad, then I know to add one last ingredient, time.  


Sometimes things are hard because we can’t be perfectly happy at all times.
Sometimes things are hard because we haven’t done those important things that revive, rejuvenate and refill us.
And sometimes things are just plain hard and the only solution is time. When this happens and you need to patiently allow time to work its magic, it is always wise to fill your meantimes. For me the same list that can knock me out of a mood will also sustain me through the most endless meantimes.


Lastly, one of the best cures for the blues is service. President Hinckley used to always remind of us of the time his dad wrote to a discouraged Elder Gordon Hinckley on his mission and gave him this simple, and always helpful, solution to the blues “forget yourself and go to work”. I really feel this is one of the most difficult things as a single. When single your life is, by definition, only really about you. Therefore, it can be incredibly hard to turn your thoughts outward. However, when I can fill my time with meeting others needs instead of thinking about my needs I find that I have less time to spend living in the blues.  When the blues hit I can start to feel heavy and see no solution in sight. But, just like my fly, to others the solution is often obvious. Fill your time with things that will recharge you, give yourself and your life time, and always be willing to forget yourself and get to work. With these simple ingredients repeated and reused in any combination that suit your needs a small fly dying on your desk will not be quite so tragic. 

- Not Desperate in SLC

Applicable Songs:
Ben Folds- Time
Imogen Heap- Wait It Out

Monday Madness

This happened to me last night. I was at home discussing dating on the phone with my parents. I like to talk about dating I think it is an interesting and applicable subject matter. I also really enjoy talking to my parents. So I am going on and on about this and that; expressing all my theories and opinions. After about an hour of my parents patiently listening, supporting, and validating me my dad said "Stop talking to your parents and go socialize"

I do need to work on that. A little less conversation and little more action please.

Monday Madness

Agatha was once very young, silly and sometimes a little cruel. Fitzy was overeager and not picking up on Agatha's signals. He was one of those guys that thought there was a direct correlation between bratty disinterest and attraction. A prime example of one of their interactions goes as follows:

Fitzy (after a long night of failed romantic attempts) "Do you want to go for a drive"

long pause, then Agatha responds "I guess, but only if you don't talk"

My point with this Monday Madness is that we all say really stupid things. This Agatha is really a great girl but to that Fritz she was not her best self. If you date long enough it is inevitable that you will probably be someones:
"most embarrassing"
"most attractive"
"most fun"
"needy"
"most emotional"
"most aggressive"
and/or
"crazy" ...

ex-girlfriend. Whether we realize it, or not, our exes have a lot of labels for us and I am sure not all of them are flattering. If you can be honest and admit mistakes it is kinda funny to think of all the ridiculous things we've done or said.

Monday Madness

We are going to start something new for our Mondays, it's Monday Madness. Dating is a funny little thing. People say the silliest things to you when your single, or when you are on dates, or during break-ups, and let's be honest we say some pretty ridiculous things ourselves. It is so fun to come home and have a good laugh with your friends and family about whatever embarrassing tidbit fell out of your mouth during a date. So, with that in mind, let's share. Every Monday I will post one funny dating experience or quote either from my own life, from my friends, from my family, or from you. So feel free to email me your great stories.

There are only a few rules:

1. It has to be something that actually happened to you. No urban legends, none of these my friend's, sister's, little brother once... So to absolutely rule that out only stories that directly happened to you. In turn I will only tell you things that either happened to me or that happened to the person that told me the story.
2. All stories must actually be lighthearted and not something you are really angry or bitter about, but pretending to have a sense of humor because that's a more charming emotion than the others I mentioned. We are looking for genuinely funny or stupid things you have accidentally said or had said to you. Not something mean-spirited.
3. Sorry, it's my blog so I pick. I pick the order of stories and I pick which ones I repeat. Some stories, while great, are too hard to tell in writing or are not succinct enough for our purposes. So please don't get your feelings hurt.
4. I will tell all stories from the third person. All women will be called Agatha (because I love that name. But, I am never in a million years going to find a man that will want to name a daughter Agatha). All the men will be called Fitzwilliam (because I am in a literary mood and he is a great example of sometimes saying the wrong, yet hilarious, thing).


1. Monday Madness: The Final Countdown


It was high school and Agatha and Fitzwilliam were out on a date. While the couple they were doubling with was outside the car scraping the ice off the car Agatha and Fitzwilliam were sitting nervously in the backseat. Agatha was starting to feel a little cocky, she could see the moment of a first kiss approaching and she was clearly more confident than her counterpart. Her confidence grew as he grew more uncomfortable. He was so nervous it was charming. All of the sudden Fitzwilliam says out loud "three, two, one" and then leaps across the car to kiss Agatha. Agatha is not sure what she was more surprised by; attack kiss or the countdown, but either way it was a kiss she would never forget.

If You've Ever Used The Bathroom at Little America Hotel, You Know What I Mean

Last night I was sitting with some old roommates giggling, catching-up, and reminiscing. We talked about an old friend who, when just a freshman in college, had once said “ My biggest fear is that I fall in love with someone for their personality and when I send out wedding announcements no one will think that he is attractive enough”. We laughed and laughed over this silly comment. We had thought it was funny at the time, but years later it is even better. As I laughed with two of my old friends (both married for years) there was a part of that old quote that didn’t sit well. Of course it is ridiculous and hilarious to think about being that vain and preoccupied with others. However, there is a part of what she is said that I can relate to, and the older I get (while remaining single) I only relate more.

Don’t you sometimes want things to appear exactly how they are? When you know in your heart you are doing well and you are happy, you want to look it. When you have adorable, wonderful children you can sometimes obsess over dirty faces and messy hair. Thinking, “come on kids, please look as delightful as you are. People cannot possibly know how proud I am of you when you look like a ragamuffin.” Or you notice a zit/cold sore before a big day and think to yourself “never mind, I guess I am not leaving the house today. This isn’t the me that I want people to have experiences with.”  Or you want a nice car because you are doing well in your job and you work hard. You think it would be so nice if everyone else could tell, just by looking at you, how hard you really do work. I could give endless examples and it doesn’t matter how fantastically confident you are, you will have a moment or two like these in your life; you will have times when you feel sad that the cover of you book doesn’t represent the beauty of the story found within. Thinking to yourself “please everyone trust me, we (or I) have a really great story. It is full of ups and downs, twist and turns, and a few cliff hangers. Sure sometimes it can start to drag a bit, but it only drags in a good way like an old Victorian novel. You will laugh, cry, and be discouraged, be heartbroken, be happy. But overall it truly is a feel good story worth knowing. Just trust me, I love it.”

So, is everyone with me so far? We can all agree to sometimes feeling discouraged that our life doesn’t always come with the matching cover for everyone to see.  Now, let me tell you my awful secret. The longer I am single the more I feel the pressure to make sure my cover matches my relationship. In reality I don’t care one fig if anyone else finds my future spouse attractive, interesting, successful, or impressive. In my heart of hearts, I KNOW that all that matters is how I feel. However, I sometimes cringe at the idea of someone seeing us, meeting us, or hearing of us and thinking any one or any combination of the following:

                               “Oh good. Glad she found someone that would take her.”

                 “Man she seems to have settled”

              “Oh it looks like he settled a bit"

 “Well, she finally found someone, I mean I would never marry him (or him).  But I am so glad they found each other.”

                      “She (or he) must have said yes to the first person that would take her (or him)”

I can think of all kinds of patronizing and unkind things that people could say. I know people can make very unkind and uneducated judgments about someone else and their relationship. I know it because I have heard it, seen it, and even occasionally said it. Part of me dreads the day when I will face the final judgment or commentary on my single worth. I recoil to think that people will taint my love with thoughts that I was single because I did something wrong, that somehow I have caused this. Or that I am single because I am far from loveable. However, I this fear is ridiculous for the following reasons:

1.       It is a waste of time to worry about potential, future hurt feelings.

2.       I really don’t care how much anyone else likes me or likes my future husband as long as we like each other.

3.       People that know and love me, they KNOW and LOVE me.

4.     Most people are kind at heart and want good things for other people. Most people don't want to unkindly judge. 

As we were leaving the restaurant I slipped into the bathroom. If I know that I am going to be at Little America I do everything in my power to make sure that I will need to use the bathroom. You might be wondering why, or you might just be wondering why I am talking about it, but it is the BEST bathroom ever. It has luxurious, warm light and mirrors everywhere. The first room is carpeted and has vanity tables lining the wall with a lamps on each. If you walk a little further you come to marble floors and the walls are wallpapered with a beautiful, feminine, pink textured paper or they are partially marble. In addition it is one of those wonderful bathrooms where you don’t have to touch very many things. The toilets automaticly flush, the sinks have sensors… you know the drill. It always adds to the luxury to not have to touch anything in a public bathroom even though in this little slice of heaven it would be my pleasure.  Even the soap is very aptly named Elegante! (see below I am not making this up. The soap does have an exclamation point on it.)

Now you are probably wondering less about the exclamation point and more about my point. It is this: Very few people care about that bathroom other than me. I am sure the hotel does not consider their bathrooms to be their showcase piece. They probably prefer their beautiful lobby, their restaurants, or their ideal downtown location, but for me it’s all about the bathrooms. Other people have been to the hotel and probably not used the lobby bathrooms or maybe they have but weren’t quite as taken with them as I. Some people probably just think of them as functional (which they are) and maybe think they are a bit nicer than others, but nothing to write home about. But for me, the bathroom at Little America is the one. In the end the thing that separates the one from every other one is not how he/she looks or how many other people find value in him/her, it’s all about how you feel. It doesn’t matter if someone else would or does find your relationship mundane. True love feels right, feels fancy, and feels special to you.  I know that because I have been to the Little America Bathroom and when I am there I 
feel elegante! 


-Not Desperate in SLC
Applicable song:
Lets Hear It for the Boy- Deniece Williams