Monday Madness: Singles say the darnedest things

Agatha was a confident, young college co-ed. She had been forming crush-like feelings for Fitz for a while now and decided that her feelings were advanced enough to share. Deep down in her heart Agatha relished moments like this; opportunities to talk openly and honestly with some unsuspecting young man. Many of her friends were frightened by the thought of confessing their feelings, but to Agatha it was a rush. She was like an adrenalin junky looking for her next fix while all her friends stared on in disbelief and fear. She saw their looks of apprehension and sometimes even judgement and that only made her want to climb even higher before she took her next leap of honesty. She loved knowing what men thought of her and if they would or could be interested in dating. To Agatha the knowing was more important than waiting for the right answer. Often, she would cheerfully force a man's hand toward rejection if it meant the suspense and uncertainty would be over; she didn't care what the answer was she just cared to hear an answer, any one would do.

That night she and Fitz were alone and she jumped quickly at her opportunity. An experienced risk taker, she needed no time to prepare for the fall. Before Fitz knew what hit him she launched into the following conversation... or maybe confrontation:

Agatha: "So Fitz, I have been enjoying our time together and believe that I am ready for us to see what potential this relationship would have."

Fitz: "huh?"

Agatha: "I am not sure that we have any romantic potential but I feel convinced enough of our ability to get along and I think that we should give dating a shot"

Fitz: "Uh..."

Agatha: "Oh, Fitz, please don't say anything right now. I have had time to think on this and you, obviously, have not. You can take a minute to get your head around this and then give me your answer. I do not mean to come on too strong and do not wish for you to be mislead, I am in no way in love you. I just feel enough of a crush forming that I wanted you to know I would be willing to let this play out naturally. Well, I guess the fact that I am talking about this does make it a little less natural and little more controlled. So, what I am trying to say is that I just didn't want there to be any room for misunderstanding; I wanted you to know exactly how I feel. So, I feel somewhere between entirely indifferent and very interested... I guess we could call that moderately interested. Yes. Moderately interested. I don't really care if we do this or if we don't. I just hate to waste my time so I would love to know now so I can plan for the next little while; so I know what to expect from our interactions. So I know how interested to let myself be and if I should try for something more coupley with you.

Fitz: Well, I...

Agatha: "Honestly, don't talk about it until you are ready. I don't need you to say anything right now. I just want to say what I feel and make sure that you understand where I am coming from. So, not in love. Not trying to force this either direction. Essentially indifferent to you and our relationship... Well, that's not accurate, we are friends so I am obviously more than indifferent to you. I do enjoy you, but it's not like you are the only man in the world. I mean if you want to stay friends that would be fine. I just want to make sure that you know that am interested enough and would say yes if you asked me out. Ok?"

Fitz: "Ok? Well, I don't think I like you as much as you like me. Not right now at least. I mean I can't predict the future..."

Agatha took a deep breath and tried to stay in control, she was a little annoyed at his stupid response. Of course you can't predict the future! she thought to herself. I am not asking for you to become a Super Hero, I just want you to answer a simple question. She wondered why men are so inept at communication; why can't they just say how they feel? So she pushed him a little and said "so you are not interested?"

Fitz: "Not right now"

Agatha: "Just a yes or no answer please."

Fitz: "Well... no"

"Great." Agatha said with a smile. "I am so glad we had this talk, cleared a lot up, don't you think?"

Fitz: "Sure?"

Agatha smiled again and gave Fitz a big hug before practically skipping home. Now she could happily return to her comfortable existence and not have to wonder about anything or anyone. "Man!" she thought to herself, "I am really good at this dating business."

I am Woman Hear me Roar?: Part One

This is something I wrote a while ago:

Today I came home from a long day at work, most of my days are long. I read a post from all of your dear and inspiring blogs and tried to force my mind to let go of the offensive thing someone said to me at work.

I started to think about things (something I do a lot) and think about me (something I do even more). Recently I have gotten to know a guy that is a bit challenging. Some might even call him a chauvinist, and by some I mean most of us. Actually, if we are being honest (which we always are), that's kinda his nickname in most circles. At least the circles that I am in and the circles that don't know him, except through the stories that I have told. But hey, I am not saying that everyone would find him arrogant and sometimes hard to be around, or even that I always do.

It's kinda odd...

I am getting ahead of myself. So this guy is a chauvinist. And has especially chauvinistic opinions about me and has freely expressed such opinions more than once. (Don't worry "some day I will find someone that will like me enough that they won't mind it"-it being my personality). So my initial reaction to the challenge to fit my gender roles more appropriately was, as I am sure you can imagine, to pretty much tell him to stuff his "gender rolls" in his own oven. I debated with him some of the finer points of dating and my apparent inability to do it appropriately on more than one occasion. I was strong, I was bold, I was well... kinda mean sometimes. one night after he and his roommate left i felt sad and sick and embarrassed. Not because I didn't believe the things I had said but because I didn't agree with what all of it implied about me.

I couldn't sleep that night. The next morning I realized I had a bad case of what we'll call extremefemininitis. I let myself fall into the trap of proving how great women can be by acting as far from womanly as I could. Yeah the feminist movement has made it possible for us to be almost anything and anyone we want, great. So why do we seem to keep choosing to just be awful? Being strong doesn't mean you fight anyone that looks at you wrong or kick anyone that kicks you first. Strength is being sympathetic and forgiving. Being powerful isn't the same as being the boss of everyone around you. Being bold isn't being louder than someone else or saying something no one else will say (sometimes no one is saying it because it shouldn't be said). Being strong and bold is not being afraid to be who you want and who you are meant to be. It's not letting your goals become weakened by others' ignorance and fear. I am sad about all the women who have let themselves get lost in trying to prove that they can be the same as men. Equal is not same; same is not equal. There are so many aspects of gender that are innate and eternal. We are good at different things for a reason, and we are good at different things.

I have a very kind heart, I always have. But for some silly reason i have spent years trying to diminish it. My heart is made of pure kindness and filled to the brim with love. Granted, it does have its patches of sassiness and the occasional stitches of cynicism but there is more good than bad. So why do I let myself be baited into pretending I am filled with more hardness than softness? Why do we let the world dictate what it means to be a strong woman? Being tough and hard are bad qualities in meat (or so I am told, I am not much of a meat eater) but they are especially unappealing in women. (Yes, I did just compare women to meat. Eat that feminist everywhere.)

I am thankful for women that are their own special kind of strong and the men that "like them enough that they don't mind it". I am thankful for our differences and I am thankful for all of our shared potential. I am thankful that, most of the time, I am me. I am thankful that I can be brave, but I am especially thankful that I am so kindhearted it makes me weak sometimes- okay a lot of the time.

Sometimes I don't want to roar.

It turns out, with a softer heart, this chauvinist I know, isn't so bad

It turns out neither am I.

-Not Desperate in SLC


Applicable songs:
I Enjoy Being A Girl- Doris Day
You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Women- Carole King or Aretha Franklin depending on your mood